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I'm 5'7", I'm not fit but I'm not very overweight either. I have a 6" dick, I don't have a monster cock.

Sometimes seeing all these hot muscle guys, bara guys, and well-endowed porn stars can create this image of the world where those are the only guys who are out there and I'm the one dude who falls short in every single way and it can really feel shitty.

It feels shitty when dudes ask "are you hung?" I mean … no, I'm not. Most guys aren't. Most guys are average. Saying "no" is almost always a deal-breaker, which is fine because if you're a size queen then maybe be up front about that?

I happen to prefer smaller and average-sized dicks 'cause I can actually 'do' stuff with those. I'm honestly not into big dicks.

I'd love to be fit, too. I'd love to be a hot fitness model kinda guy, but that's a fucking expensive lifestyle with how much you gotta eat and workout - and working out to get that kinda body means you really gotta know what you're doing, it means either having access to a good gym or having an amazing home gym. Not to mention the supplements and sometimes even drugs you gotta use to get a body like that.

Just kinda sucks sometimes. I can remind myself what the reality is, but all the porn and the way we talk to and about ourselves online just paint this totally unrealistic image of what most dudes are really like. I'm betting I'm not the only one who feels this way.


Pic isn't me, btw. Just some dude I found on Tumblr (RIP) once.


Sounds like you don't really know what you are looking for, still figuring out your place in the world.

Keep trying and keep improving yourself.


Your issue seems like less self-esteem and more that you spent time with people that buy into the illusion of Porn.

I work out and still ain't a "Hunk" by any stretch, but that's not WHY i work out either and was never the goal, i work out for me, because i dislike being weak, the goal is performance, not aesthetics, people don't get "Expensive Supplements" and shit just to look good, it is because that life style is something they enjoy and feel better by having then the alternative. If i don't work out for example i lose my appetite and can't eat, which means i lose my energy in everyday life and basically feel like a fucking zombie.

And plenty of people have much "lower" standards then "MOVIE/PORN STAR" on looks, at least in my experience, the issue is if you are outright ugly (which is usually a sign of a shitty life style, personality and/or hygiene, IE: Disgusting Teeth = Not brushing teeth= Irresponsible, Bad Smell = Not Showering = Not considerate of others and so on).

Porn is porn and not actual life, so i never had a issue differentiating them, and even with all the porn i consumed my strongest feelings have been to "normal" people who i met and don't look like Porn/Movie Stars.



As for looks and self-esteem, it is like that old joke about running from Wolves, "I don't need to run faster then the wolves, just faster then you.", Even just becoming slightly above "average" will make surprisingly big impact on how people see you and treat you, but "Average" is a relative, if you spend time with people you find beautiful you will feel ugly, even if in another situation you would be the hottest guy in the room, and plenty of "hot" guys feel the same way you do in certain situations.

Basically, being "hot" does not remove self-esteem issues, nor does being big-dicked because these things are relative, furthermore you get doubts about if people care about you or your looks, and if you been dealing with bullying before, doubt if any praise is actually genuine or people trying to trick you into embarrassing yourself.

It really is important to remember that Showbiz and Porn is a Facade made by people making a fucking living out of being good looking (and good at fucking), but that actual people, including ones working on that facade, still have their own issues and weaknesses, perhaps even more so because their livelihood depends on it.

But you don't gotta compete with them, just try becoming the best YOU, a you that gives you satisfaction of being. Sorry for the rant.


Part of the issue is I don't live in a big city. There's not a large, vibrant gay community here. I think a few of you are taking for granted that not every gay dude lives in areas where we can meet and hang out with a lot of actual gay guys.

The internet is, for some of us, our only real gateway to the gay community and, as I've already outlined, the internet tends to create a pretty unrealistic view of what real gay men are like.


Why do you care about that? I doubt that excessive craving to being a hot Fitness Model and Validation will improve your Self-Esteem.



It's not meant to improve my self-esteem, it's an indicator of what's going on in my head. That my mind is under the impression that having a hot body is the only way to be of value to others. That's a false impression, a lie, put there by being in a situation where my only exposure to other gay men is through the internet because there is no local gay culture where I live.




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Yep, and the best way to break that impression is to remember that when people go to a forum that is focused on porn like Barachan then of course they will be focused on porn, which is shallow, but that doesn't mean they act like that IRL nor that they don't actually value personalities and affection, it is that in the situation where you are stroking your cock to a stranger just to get off those things aren't relevant, people behave differently in situations.

Because really, getting emotionally attached to fap material is asking for trouble, can be harmless when it is 2D Waifu/Husbandofags, but when involving actual people? Probably won't end well.

And people don't really like talking about their flaws, especially not when jacking off unless they are a Sub or Masochist, so you get people boasting how the excel, not how they fall behind.

And it isn't exactly exclusive to gay porn communities either, straight and even non-sex related ones do the same, where "subject x" is all that matters, because that is why people go there, remember that you only see some sides of people online, and probably ones they LET you see.

And more then anything, people hyperbole like motherfuckers online.


Just wondering, anybody here ever shared their BARA preference to anyone irl?


I wouldn't call bara a "preference" unless you are saying you prefer bara over sex


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I've also had struggles with this issue in the past, so you're not alone.

It probably feels shitty when they ask things like 'are you hung' because you're not yet used to being viewed/judged like a piece of meat. And whether you like it or not, that is a large part of dating for this generation of technology. It is really shitty, but there's little that can be done about that. Though it is good that you recognize, at least logically (emotionally usually takes a lot longer) that those kinds of people are not the ones you want to be associated with.


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The other thing is just learning to stop comparing yourself to others. Yes, there are guys out there that are tall and handsome with big dicks, are intelligent, charming, and maybe even have money. The world is far too big with too many people in it for there to not be people like that. While it may seem oxymoronic, there can be a minority group of people with 'perfect' ideal male bodies that compared to any other population of minorities would be mathematically insignificant…. and at the same time that group can account for thousands of individuals. As a hypothetical let's say that the chances of being born into a body capable of being a handsome 6'4" mesomorph with a 7.5" Dick is one in a million. That's a 0.000001% chance. So taking 7.7 billion people, divide by 2 for the ones born female (3.85 billion) and then excluding about a third for anyone under 18, we can take the 0.000001% probability out of 2.5 billion and end up with 2500 people. So a literal one-in-a-million chance probability still leads to over two thousand people. That is simultaneously a very large number, and a very insignificant number…. but what does it matter? Whether a large number or a small number, it still doesn't change the fact that you are not them. If you want to improve yourself, do it because it is something that you want, not because you need to compete or compare with others.


i think they mean bara as in appearance over the 'boyish' look of yaoi


Agreed Taro, you are truly right. For years I've been in agonizing depression for comparing myself with other people. Now I just go out there and just do it. You won't find the right guy just by standing and judging yourself.


OP you sound extremely average

the great thing about average is that it tends to be a two-way street, meaning that most people are totally into your averageness

if you actually gave a shit about changing your appearance, you already know that there are some things you can change and others you can't, and if you got off your lazy ass and actually started working to change the things you can change, you wouldn't have anything to complain about


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>there are some things you can change and others you can't
>you wouldn't have anything to complain about
If you
>change the things you can change

This implies you can't complain about things you can't change…. like the weather or the state of the nation…… even if you change everything that you can change (weight and physique) you can still be dissatisfied with all of the other things that you can't change (facial features, penis size, height) so saying you will have "nothing to complain about" is just silly. Granted it's illogical to dwell on such things because there really is nothing to be done about them, but you can still complain. Depending on your state of mind it can be very discouraging to think "even if I do everything I can to obtain the perfect physique, in the end I'll still have the same face, penis, and I wont be any taller" which, while true, trivializes the confidence boost you'll get from the improved physique. Again its a conflict between what your logical reasoning knows, and how your emotions will affect your mood. Something that can be rationalized and worked through within a few minutes logically, can sometimes take years for your emotions to synchronize with.



Bold of you to assume I'm "lazy" and not actively doing anything. Where do you get off making assumptions like this? You don't know the first thing about me and here you are already imagining the worst about a person you've never met.

You have no idea what I'm actively doing in my daily life.

And the idea that no one should be allowed to express their emotions or state of mind is so fucking stupid. We should all just shut up and never complain about anything? Well you're already breaking your own rule by complaining about me complaining so maybe take your own advice and get off your lazy ass and offer something constructive.


Honestly, the only hurdle to getting fit is putting in the time since it's really not that expensive unless you're trying to be those massive strongman competitors who eats thousands of calories per day. Not sure who told you that you need an amazing gym just to stay in shape.


Happy new year lads

Getting fit = Consistency
Constantly working out or consistently eating healthy.
Figure out some stability in your life before you tackle this.

Not much you can do about size, but cheer up! Plenty of other ways to make yourself more appealing.


I think you're making some valid points there. Thanks for starting this thread. Having constructive conversations about not feeling good about yourself is not easy, especially not on anonymous message boards.

The title of the thread is about self-esteem, not about working-out or looks. I think it's a mental pitfall to assume that having a bigger dick or looking more muscular will also improve your self-esteem. There are plenty of good-looking people struggling with self-esteem issues and enough ugly slobs feeling great about themselves.

There are plenty of studies showing the correlation between working out and higher self esteem. AFAIK that is because you physically feel better, not because you look better.

I had a period where I didn't feel great about the size of my dick. I saw the documentary "my penis and I" (www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=Oo83VUVCJV4) It changed my attitude about my dick a lot, I haven't been insecure about my dick after seeing it. There's plenty of dicks in there and I think the main character is pretty cute, so enough reasons to have a look at it!


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By the by OP, I just did a real small poll on my twitter. Sample size is really limited, but the overwhelming majority voted either no preference or 5-6.5" so, just ignore the size queens and keep fishing for someone better.

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