I've been searching around and, so far, I see that this is a common thing for men with depression. I'm hoping someone here may have more experience. It's hard to find articles that don't apply to only women who don't want sex. I'm in an odd spot, but not uncommon. Look, if I figure things out before I hear back, I'll share what worked. Maybe it'll help a lurker out.
For now, I'm not sure if a zero porn and jerk off approach will really change anything. I'm growing more certain that this is deeper in the depression zone and needs some pro help. However, it would be great to hear from more of you, should you have thoughts or experiences to share.
I mean, it depends from person to person. Abstinence from porn could help re-wire your brain back to your younger years? Give it a shot.
An obvious question is that have you tried talking to your husband about this issue? Maybe honest communication can help you with your performance.
We've spoken about it, so he knows it's tough for me. I still feel the guilt for not fulfilling my role as a husband.
Thanks for your take on this. Every view helps me to find new insight.
the porn itself probably has very little to do with it, just jerk off less lol, of course you're not gonna seek out sex if you're just burning all of that energy by yourself
is your husband also a sexual person? are you sexually compatible? does he also have an interest in porn? if so you might be able to incorporate it into your sex life
I think I agree with all of you as far as I believe, If you watch less porn it will re-wire your brain to your younger years and I think that porn is the least of your problems. It seems to me that the people that gave you their opinion have worked with themselves, I don't know how but what I have done is practice some meditation, I get on on a flat and comfortable place, close my eyes and count my breathing, 1 in, 1 out, 2 in, 2 out and feel how the oxygen through different parts of my body, I don't analize, just feel and fill my stomach with as much air as possible judging with my feelings, there are many ways to start, that was the easiest I found, good luck!
by the way, 5 minutes a day, I don't count the minutes so it can be more but not less than that.
Meditation, a hobby to keep you distracted from porn, and maybe even exercise. I wouldn't delete your porn, now that tumblr is gone T^T, but try to cut back on jerking and substitute your daily ritual with reading or journal/writing.
Or maybe talk to your doctor? Many options for you to try.
I personally recommend you try weightlifting + swimming cardio. More muscle mass will naturally cause your body to produce more testosterone, which could help with your libido.
Fuck! this became interesting
I agree that engaging in physical exercise can help.
(not because it increases your testosterone or anything so crude, but rather that it decreases inflammatory signaling in your body, which is a side effect or sometimes even the cause of depression)
Porn can very easily satisfy our sexual needs and need for pleasure, so it very easily becomes a (less-than-satisfactory) substitute, and sometimes even an addiction. I don't think you should feel guilt or anything, but rather see it as a challenge or as a habit you wish to change. With emotional disturbances such as the ones you mentioned, developing such habits is very usual. See sex not as the ultimate goal, but rather as a sign that you yourself are feeling better.
You're lucky that your partner is understanding! How about a weekend away on a camping or road trip with him? Doing something like that together helps form new experiences and memories, thus enabling you to incorporate him into a new context. You'd also find the excuse to keep away from internet porn.
I said camping, because there, you can also do something physical together, which helps you on both the exercise part, the stress relief part, and also taking a break from it all. (or I might just be fantasizing messing around in a tent in the woods.)
Whatever you do, though, take it easy and don't force yourself. Sex between you and your husband should come naturally from within, not from a sense of duty or obligation.
one last word: if you feel like you need professional help, go for it.
As it turns out, it was really just the odd confidence issue hampering my ability to confidently communicate my sexual desires.
Tldr; had some great sex and feel like I could speak up better in the future.
Seemed like an orgasmic experience, I'm glad
Now this is that good shit I wanted to hear <3